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'89 Dreamer

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    // yufang jaja nadya

    a hard time
    Thursday, August 5, 2010, 11:26 PM
    useless little things that define me. silly little characters that make
    me, me. this fear, it is eating me up. it is controlling my life, taking
    away my freedom of choice. my liberty. my well-being. my rational
    side. it is feeding on me. and the worst part is im letting it, leaving it
    alone to manifest this entire being. slowly but surely. i seem to be giving
    up, not doing anything to gain back control of my life. wait.
    what exactly is that fear again? i have not the slightest idea. a fear so so
    complex, so deep inside me that no words can do justice to describe it. such
    terrible thing living inside me. something deeper than the deepest ocean.
    how do i rid it? no... how can i even rid it? a silent killer like no other.
    robbing me of everything. taking away every single ounce of courage and
    confidence in me. turning me into helpless and hopeless little creation that
    walk the earth with no sense, no direction. am i exaggerating? i think not.
    i have always wanted to explain this but i couldnt. i just couldnt find the
    right words to describe this torment i more than so often experience each
    time i have to go through something unfamiliar. something new. something
    i have never done before. something... different. can you feel me now?